Rednecks are Funny!

A small redneck Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very “in the mood”, and difficult to handle.
 

Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages.
 

Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
 

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
 

The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. “First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this.” The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. “Well,” said Ed, “You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.”

This is just sick…the sheep’s not even wearing a helmet!!

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says “You’re not from round here are ya?”
 
“No” replied the man, “I’m from Pensylvania.” The bartender looks at him and says “Well what do you do in Pensylvania?”
 
“I’m a taxidermist.” said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?” The man looked at the bar tender and said “Well, I mount dead animals.”
 
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him “It’s okay, boys! He’s one of us!”

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
 

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
 

About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that’s a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?”
 

About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good,” continues the professor, “I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
 

15 students raise their hands.
“That’s a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

 
Three students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.
 

One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished.
 

He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
 

The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.”
The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he’d first had sex.
 

“It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,” Clem recalled.
 

“That sounds wonderful,” said Jed.
 

“Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.”
 

“Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?”
 

“Baaaaa…”