Rednecks are Funny!

You’re not gonna believe this one. I saw this on CNN today. Farmer Erects Redneck Stonehenge. A redneck in a small farming community got pissed when they built a subdivision around his farm and the new neighbors were apparently complaining about the smells and dust form the farm so to make a point, he built a fence out of old cars. His point being, if you don’t like it, move! I love this guys attitude but I don’t know who he’s trying to make the point to because they interview his neighbor and his neighbor seems like the chillest guy in the world.

Keep track of your fishing stats by entering your fish measurements as you reel them in! Stay up to date on Winston cup standings while you fish. Upgradable to include a fish finder or ammo clip! Includes the latest copy of the Redneck Rampage video game to play while you’re waiting for a bite!

This reminds me of Tim the Tool Man Tailor. Instead of just swinging from a tree, these Rednecks needed MORE POWER!

You might be a redneck if you think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.
 

You might be a redneck if your state’s got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
 

You might be a redneck if you think a stock tip is advice on worming your hogs.
 

You might be a redneck if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
 

You might be a redneck if your house still has the “WIDE LOAD” sign on the back.
 

You might be a redneck if you got stopped by a state trooper, he asked you if you had an I.D., aAnd you said, ‘Bout What?’
 

You might be a redneck if you smoke hams after sex.
 

You might be a redneck if you think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
 

You might be a redneck if you think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
 

You might be a redneck if your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
 

I don’t even know what this is. It looks like some sort of lemonade stand or circus cart but it has a front door! Is it a house!? A shed!? Why does it need a door?? Maybe it’s used to transport animals? I have no idea. Anyone know what this is??

This school bus is GREEEAAAAATTTT! It looks like something Tony the Tiger would drive. I want to eat Frosted Flakes now.

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “what’s the matter?”
 
The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”
 
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”
 
The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”
 
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now?” the bartender asks.
 
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”
 
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back.”
 
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. “I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and… it… it… grew back!”
 
The bartenter, now furious at the guy’s general stupidity, yells, “for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.
 
“It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”

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There’s a painful looking “accident” at the end. I’m pretty sure this was on purpose. You could see this comin a mile away.

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “Paw, What’s ‘at?”
 

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain’t got no idea’r what it is.”
 

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
 

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, “Boy, go git yer Ma.”